Turns out demons are the problem
I was digging around while trying to justify my incorrect usage of succubus to describe Gael Garcia Bernal, when I came upon a page entitled INCUBUS AND SUCCUBUS: DEMONS THAT HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH YOU. Uh . . . perfect? The root page is "Jesus-is-Lord.com" I knew this was going to be good.
To begin, he's good enough to clarify and expand upon some missteps in Websters definition:
Aparently all those adolescent nocturnal emissions were satanic in nature. This comes as quite a relief. I'd always suspected anything that made my mom eye me like that as she changed my sheets had to be evil (see also, dropping shovel from deck onto little brother's head). Also, shockingly, 9 out of 10 women have been raped by a demon.INCUBUS - A spirit or demon thought in medieval times to lie on sleeping persons, especially women, with whom it sought sexual intercourse.
SUCCUBUS - In folklore, a female demon thought to have sexual intercourse with sleeping men.
Above definitions came from Webster's Dictionary.
INCUBI - Demonic sexual attacks on females; may be caused by sexual sins, witchcraft spells, curses of lust, inherited curses, can attack children
SUCCUBI - demonic sexual attacks on males, may be caused by the same as Incubi above
Forget medieval times and folklore, these demons are for real! The demons have sex with both men and women as the person sleeps, AND YOU KNOW IT. It's not a dream, and it is not your imagination. [ed. italics are mine, retarded use of capslock is not]
This is fascinating. Some anthropologist should study this guy. His Christianity is draped in the superstition and fear-mongering of the 17th century lay preacher. This is Salem, Massachusetts type stuff. This is a world where demonology trumps psychology. Freud was a harbinger of Satan. I love it--though I've lost the link to that one. Rest assured that psychology is one of the many holes through which demons can enter your life, along with Hellivision.
The main page is better. He's got all the usual stuff, but kicked up a notch. This guy is a showman. He has animated gifs. The Roman Catholic Church, like always, is presented as the whore of Babylon, but here it's in slide-show format.
look up pagan Rome's "pontiff", "diocese", "vicar", incense burning, multiple gods (now called saints), goddess worship, and statues. Why do you think this Satanic masterpiece is called "ROMAN" Catholic? Ancient Rome lives on today! The Great Whore still rides the beast in all her monstrous glory!Well put. I wonder if he worships on Sunday. The problem here, is not his criticism of Catholicism, the finer points of which (the persecution, murder and sexism) aren't exactly news. The problem is that he never turns the critical eye upon himself or Protestantism as a whole.
Among his quotes:
The Bible is like a lion; it does not need to be defended; just let it loose and it will defend itself. -- Martin LutherHe's a big Luther fan; he likes the guy. Other, less famous Luther quotes (from an equally skewed website):
- "What then shall we do with this damned, rejected race of Jews?"
- "The Jews deserve to be hanged on gallows, seven times higher than ordinary thieves"
- "If I had to baptize a Jew, I would take him to the river Elbe, hang a stone around his neck and push him over with the words `I baptize thee in the name of Abraham'."
Finally, he donkey-punches the politically correct left with a dose of Jesus' truth:
You're intolerant!
No, the truth is intolerant. 2+2=4, not 5, not 11, not 213. The truth is unbending, it is unyielding, it is exclusive. The truth of God is offensive to the hellbound, sin-loving, want-to-believe-lies man. God hath not left Himself without witness in this perverse and crooked generation--His word is the Holy Bible (King James 1611 for the English speaking peoples of the world). I am not the author of truth, but I know Who is. His name is Jesus and anything that contradicts His word is a wicked lie.
Blam.
He has the obligatory screed against evolution. His biggest ally, apparently, is the Second Law of Thermaldynamics. Take that fake science. Despite having thermaldynamics on his side, he commits the same error all creationist critics of Darwinism I've read do. He assumes the the theory of evolution never evolved past Darwin and Huxley. It's kinda the same problem as taking a series of books of uncertain authorship that were written 1500 years ago, weeding them out from a much larger group of very similar works, then countlessly and horribly hand-translating them and calling the finished product absolute truth. I love that he hates the papacy and believes it to be flawed from the beginning, thinks Peter (upon whose rock [God] would build [his] church) was actually Satan, yet he uses the canon scripture set down by the Council of Nicea in 325AD. There weren't any Protestants back then. The Pope was the only game in town. If he could connect the fucking dots, that would mean that the Bible, in its very essence and composition, is the work of the Anti-Christ. Stupid idiot. You don't have to be a sophomore Philosophy student to shoot holes in that reasoning.
Because of all the reality he's dropping, the site is under constant attack by the worldly henchmen of the antichrist--it almost goes without saying. The work of papist hackers and abortionists abounds:
Is it banned because he's a fundamentalist (truth teller), or, is it because he's an anti-semite? He doesn't seem to ponder that possibility, so neither will we--there are bigger problems afoot:THIS WEBSITE IS BEING SYSTEMATICALLY BANNED!
INTERNET FILTERING SERVICES ARE
FILTERING THIS WEBSITE SO THAT YOU CAN'T SEE IT!
Strangely, He doesn't mention the obvious, that a demon of capitalization has possessed his server. He must not want to unduly alarm us.If you have a problem accessing any of the files resident on our server, try capitalizing the file name, e.g., http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/couldnt.htm
becomes http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/COULDNT.HTM
posted by Luke @ 9:26 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
...you have to admit though, between demonology and psychology, which is cooler? You know you'd rather be humped by succubi than your own brain.
And i feel i should chastise you for putting the image of Theresa cleaning your awfully soiled sheets in my head, if only briefly, but it was funny and i write worse things in my blog (if not yet, soon). What's wrong with us? We should be writing about our fun-filled road trips, like Mike does.
Demonology is cooler you're right.
That image of my mom was fabricated for myself as well. I never actually SAW her recoil at a miscarried ejaculation--I just assumed.
By the time she got ready to clean my sheets she would have already brushed my teeth for me and made me lunch.
I think my poor work ethic stems from those years -- that is years 0-22. 23 has been a rough one.
The first law of thermaldynamics is that the work exchanged in an adiabatic process depends only on the initial and the final state and not on the details of the process.
The second law of thermaldynamics is that ... the ... work ... exchanged in an adiabatic process depends only ... on ... the initial and the final state and not on the details of the process!
The third law of thermaldynamics is that it is impossible to obtain a process such that the unique effect is the subtraction of a positive heat from a reservoir and the production of a positive work.
The fourth law of thermaldynamics is that fights will go on as long as they have to ...
Okay, seriously, the first law (in plain English) is that energy is conserved and the second law (in plain English) is that entropy increases (energy flows from a more ordered state to a less ordered state). What does this have to do with Christiantity? I seem to remember, via The Onion, that the Christian right was lobbying to overturn the second law of thermodynamics, but I'm not sure what became of that. Perhaps if this guy [Menton] wanted to use thermodynamics to refute evolution, he should learn about, you know, evolution and thermodymics, so he could actually make intelligent arguments about them.
--Mike Sheffler
Note: Physicists haven't really been to concerned about the eventual heat death of the universe for, oh, let's say, about 200 years. Way to go Dr. Menton.
BwAHAHA, I DO remember that from the onion, fookers, trying to have it both ways. Yeah, that reminds me, if Menton is such a literalist Christian, then he must think God created a perfect universe. Entropy and heat death really don't jive with a perfectly ordered universe, at least in the traditional Geocentric, circular-orbit way these people think.
Asses.
And it's been 200 years eh? so this guy is refuting a 150 year old text with 200 year old science? Couldn't have written it better myself. What a maroon.
Nice Work Mike
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